i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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