he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
