so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
50% drunk capacity currently
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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