fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
