Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
