I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
