Jerry, you need to find god
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
