Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You've changed since you got that strap on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
