She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
