I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just forgot I was standing up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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