WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
