I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
