the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well I just put wine in my tea
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
