I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
