He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
