There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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