ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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