Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
