the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
