Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The Olympian is in my bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
