winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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