dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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