I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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