I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You need a sexual gate keeper
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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