Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got inside last night via doggy door
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
