It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
