No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
