I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
