oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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