I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
