True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
