and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
