Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
