Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
