Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
