got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
