she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
