i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
