I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
