my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
