thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
