k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
