So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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