Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
