i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're too hungover to prance.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
