how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
