Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
