I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
