my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
