420 ftw
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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