The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he shaved USA in his pubs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
