Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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