where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
