A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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